Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Roots and Wings

October is underway. Summer has faded into fall and winter is just around the corner.
 I feel like I'm on the brink of something, I'm not sure if it's good or bad.
I feel like I'm at a crossroads. Like I am faced with a bittersweet goodbye
and headed into unchartered territory.
Maybe this feeling is hitting me now because in October, in the beautiful, dramatic Fall, my senses and emotions are in a heightened state. The air is crisper, the skies bluer, the smell of woodsmoke fills the evening air, and food simmering on the stove smells and tastes so much better than at any other time of the year.

 I do not look forward to the chill- you- to- the- bone rain and cutting winds that are coming.
I do not look forward to leafless trees, their spiny, branchy limbs silhouettes
against the flat, grey November sky.
This is not unusual for me, I dread the long midwestern winter.
 So, what is different this year? What has me feeling  more restless about it?

My daughter is in 5th grade this year.
Maybe I feel melancholy not just because of the long and dark winter ahead, but
 because of this particular school year
It's a not just another school year but a year of great transition.

It is the year that says goodbye to Elementary and Intermediate School and hello to Middle School
The beginning of goodbye to being a kid. Hello to being a "tween" and all that comes with it.

I was okay in the summer.
Summer was still an extention of what last year was.
4th Grade.
9years old and then 10 years old.
Still a kid.

It's hitting me now and I've already seen changes.
She's almost as tall as me!
Personality-wise, too.....she's saying "hip" things these days like "really?" and "right?"
This year, I will saying goodbye to a little bit of my daughter's childhood.
This year she will be 10 and then 11.
And then......
Try as I might to stop it, she continues to grow up.
And in spite of my bittersweet words, I enjoy every second (well maybe not every second... we have our moments) of watching her grow and learn and become a young lady.
What I love most is how kid-like she still is.
As her mom, I guess it's my job to feel these things.
And to know when to step in and when to step back

 I know that who she is today isn't who she will be in June.
I know she will be smarter, taller, and more clever than she is now but
she will also be a little bit more independent and a little less in need of me.
I think I have a few more years.....  


...before she will choose her friends and her life instead of me

I have to remember she is her own person, unique and beautiful with lots to offer.....

I'm here to give her roots and wings

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